Time

I haven't blogged on this site in a while. Why? I tell myself it's because I don't have the time. Truth is, I spent my time on something else. I set this on the back burner. I don't think I wasted my given time, just did something I felt was more important.
Time is valuable. You only get each moment once. Once it's gone, it's gone.

I have been learning to spend my time on the things and people that matter. Things that will have an eternal impact. Yes, I still clean my house and read the paper. I'm not busy all day long, but rather have placed a priority on my husband and children.
My older two children are scarred from their parents divorce in such a way that time is the most important gift I can give them. They are in constant fear that they are not going to get time with a parent. It has made them very insecure. So in my only earthly way to show them that God always has time for them, I too give them the gift of my time. No I don't dote on them all day long and make sure they are entertained. I know that's not what God has called me to. I do make sure that I am available to them at all times. When I am cleaning, reading, baking or playing they know they can approach me and I will be there. They often hug me good night and tell me they are so glad that I am there with them every day. To them, my being there equals love. Although, there are days they just take it for granted that I will be there and they tend to focus on other things and start to get insecure again.
So I began to really think about my relationship with God. I think I take advantage of the fact that God is always there with me and I can always approach Him. So much so that sometimes I ignore Him until I need Him. That is so wrong of me! In order to be what my family and husband need from me, I HAVE to spend time with God. I need to be with Him when I'm cleaning, baking...everything. I need to make the relationship with Him my priority even above my husband. When I start my day with spending time and thoughts on Him, then later spending time in His Word listening to what He has for me, I was much more secure. I felt secure in my parenting and in being a good wife. Knowing that I was resting in God and what he had for me that day made by time go much better. My whole family benefits.
So now I set out each day to focus my time on God and what He has in store for me. When I fail, because I will, I will start all over again.

Moving along

Someone once said to me, "no one stumbles on anything while sitting down". I thought, duh.
After I gave it some thought I realized their point. If I'm moving and growing I'll have stumbles and falls. It really is a good thing in the end. It means I'm not stagnate and just OK with life as is.
So as I move along in this life I have had many many stumbles. While I see myself falling I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel so helpless. Like a little one learning to walk. Just so unsteady. The great and awesome thing that I know is God is there to pick me up, dust me off and get me going again. He reminds me through a trip or fall that he is there to steady me. To guide me to the next point he wants me at.

Time with Daddy

Time alone with Daddy is a hot commodity around here. Everyone wants it! Big time! He is a walking fun house apparently. I love it when my man comes home from work and the kids all flock to the door led by the littlest singing "Dad Dad Daddy!!!" at the top of his lungs all while doing a spin and a dance. Our girl is beyond thrilled to have Daddy all to herself on Friday night for their big date night. She has a new dress, shoes and will get her hair done...all for Daddy.

I lay in bed last night with a grin on my face thinking of how much our kids love their Daddy. He is their hero, protector, provider and the love he gives...oh it melts my heart. I wouldn't want my kids to think any different of their Dad. He is their Father.
I then paused in my thoughts with a new thought. Do I get that excited about my heavenly father? Do I feel like dancing when I know I get to spend time with Him? Do I sing to Him? Do I prepare myself for special one on one time?
No. I don't.
I know God wants me to come before Him with an attitude of praise ready to give Him glory. So often I come before Him grumpy with a list of complaints or requests for Him to fix. So wrong. God already knows my needs. Should I ask His help and wisdom? For sure! Just with a heart of praise and glory for my Father.
Oh Lord help me to remember YOU are more exciting than any earthly person. As I watch my children dance and jump because their daddy is spending time with them, let me approach my Heavenly Father with the excitement over who He is and what He is!

Mom

As Mother's Day is approaching I can't help but think about how I ended up "mom" to the two older kids. Not exactly the traditional way. You see, I married a wonderful single dad. He went through an awful divorce, but from that first marriage came the greatest two kids. When I first met them, they were at a point that they didn't see their real mother very much. The situation was new to them and living with just Dad, they really wanted a female around the house doing "mom stuff", as they called it. From the time they knew I was dating their dad they asked when they could call me mom. I really resisted. I was in my 30's single and not at all ready for the title of mom. I had enough to get used to being called wife. They asked almost monthly for an entire year before I stopped saying a flat no and said I would pray about it again. I reminded them they had a mom and I was not there to take her place. Little did I know they understood that better than I ever gave them credit for. I asked them why they wanted to call me mom so bad. They gave me a list of reasons. Here's a few:
- You make our lunches
- You tuck us in
- You help us get dressed and comb our hair
- You make sure we are safe and warm
- You help in our class at school
- What if there is a new baby, it will be confused who the mom is?
- You are ALWAYS there whenever we need you
The list really does go on and on. They concluded with "you do all the regular mom stuff, we love you". It was then that I felt God melt my heart and I became Mom. It was really awkward for me at first. I was the woman staring blankly while a kid yelled MOM! from the playground only realizing after the 5th time, oh, that's me. The kids had asked me to help them remember to stop calling me by my first name, so when they wouldn't I would say "who?". It really only took a week for them to comfortably and consistently call me mom. It took me longer to adjust. I think some days I'm still adjusting. Motherhood is an ever changing job.
I love those first two kids as much as I love the 2 year old and the soon to be new baby. Without a doubt God opened my heart up to these two in a way that most people think is impossible. They don't pretend that they don't have a real mom that they love very much. I would never want them too. I want them to honor, love and respect all their parents because that is what God wants them to do. They do have amazingly big hearts that have room in them for a "real mom" AND their "step-mom Mom". I love them and the name Mom. No name has been more precious. I thank the Lord each and everyday for the love of all my kids.

Friendships Are Precious

As my 9 year old daughter comes home from school upset about some friends and the way she has been treated by them I am reminded that friends that are true and right are few. Growing older, and watching my children develop friendships I've learned a few more things about friendships. They are few and precious. True friends that is. I have many many acquaintances and even some friends that are deeper. I have a handful of women that are my true friends. People that love me, accept me the way that I am, give me forgiveness when I ask and we just enjoy being in each others company.
I need those close friends. I need women to talk to me. Not just so I hear a noise each day, but women who tell me and show me God is working. The perspective a friend has on your life is sometimes brutally honest. For the friends in my life that have been willing to share that honest perspective I am eternally grateful. You have changed my relationship with the Lord. You have shown me a glimpse of what God is like. God knows I have great faults, and He isn't willing to overlook them. He loves me enough to tell me when one of my faults isn't "accidental" but rather a sin. Yet, He doesn't leave my side. He is there to walk me through the process of turning from the sin. My dear true friends have done the same for me. For that I love them even more. Something else I have found important is that a real, true friend doesn't let my sin go and just ignore it. They tell me that I am sinning. That's had for a person to do AND take. It is so necessary though for a real relationship to be there. That's how I know when my "friend" is a real friend. We can be so honest with each other that we can hold each other accountable to the God that brought us together.
God has a lot to say about friendships. They are good! Look at the friendship David and Jonathon had. They were willing to die for each other. How many of us can say that we would do that for a friend? I am happy to say, I have a few.

Moving to a new town I was so lonely and worried about making friends. Who would love me like my old friends? Well, for starters, my "old" friends aren't gone....we just live in different towns! We still talk and that relationship is still there. I truly believe God has made that happen. I started attending a church with my family and became involved. I have met some dear dear women and after 3 years I can say, a few friends. There are some wonderful women that love the Lord and I love them. I see the deep kind of friendship developing that all us women need and desire.
Thank you Lord for showing me through people here on earth how you as God can be my friend.

The Men in My Life

The last years have taught me over and over again how much I really appreciate the men God has placed in my life in my immediate family. They are incredible blessings from God.
My Husband - He is my dream man. He is a true head of our household. Leading us in the path of God and not on his own ambition. He loves the Lord with all his heart and because of that he loves me, loves the kids with all his heart too. I see him searching daily for ways to please God and for that I see God blessing him in ways that we never thought possible. He truly cherishes me. I never ever doubt that he loves me more that any other person on the face of this earth. He is a hard worker and provider. Although he worked hard to have the position that he has at work, I know he would work just as hard if he had to deliver pizzas. He feels pride in a job well done. I admire his patience and wish I had just a touch of it. He is gentle in his correction of me and I need it sometimes! In the same way, he takes what I say to him very seriously even when it's me correcting him. I love this man so much!!
My Father - He has been a steady rock and leader in my family. He adores my mother and respects her. I have never a day in my life doubted that my parents would grow old with each other. He is a devoted man. If you have ever undertaken a project with my dad you know that he is an extremely hard worker. He always finishes what he starts and taught that to us kids too. Even now with the goofy stuff going on with his pension he has undertaken a job to keep income going that is definitely not a dream job, but he does it faithfully and does it well. I see my father as a man of God. He is not perfect, none of us are, but he desire to serve the Lord and please Him in everything that He does. God has honored him because of it. He seeks wisdom from God daily - I know this because even now when I am there with my family I see him spending time in the Word to get his day started. I have seen this all my life. Thanks Dad for being a great dad!
My Brother - Surprise Chris! I admire you too! :) My brother is one of the kindest most forgiving people I have ever known or encountered. He too follows the Lord. (I'm telling you, there are some great men in my life!) He has been given some hard knocks in his short lifetime but that has not kept him from trusting that God has a great plan for his life. He is a hard working man. Even when he doesn't need to be. His phone rings ALL the time and he is there to work at any given time. I think this comes from his compassionate heart. Once you are his friend, consider yourself a friend for life. Love you brother!
These men have shown me many things that I'd like to instill in my own sons. Sure they all have very different personalities and strengths, but the one thing they have in common in their devotion to the Lord. I can only hope my boys are the same way. It will make them incredible husbands, fathers, employees, and friend. Thank you God for these three men.

Blessings in Abundance

I just need to tell someone about the blessings God has been pouring out on my family lately. To me, they are HUGE! It has shown me clearly that God goes above and beyond when we wait, seek and desire God's plan. Has he answered every prayer in abundance? No. Sometimes He says NO clearly, and sometimes He says wait. I'm thankful for all the times He has made Himself clear. The times when He seems silent, I have spent on my knees in prayer patiently waiting on the Lord, knowing full well that He does not forget or stop loving His children.
Anyway, as a lot of you know, we moved into our current home 3 years ago this month with the intention of only living here about a year. We still had a home in Ann Arbor to sell so we rented this. We thought the home in A2 would sell quickly and we could start looking soon after it did. That is not what God had planned. He had so much to teach us through both this home and the home in A2. We finally sold the house in A2 2 years ago, and we are still in the little rental home. When we moved in, we had only 2 kids so a 3 bedroom 940 square foot home was actually quite sufficient, and believe it or not, bigger than our previous home.
We didn't even consider looking at homes for at least another year after we sold the A2 house. We had to sell it at a big loss and we needed to unload some debt first. So last March, we started to look for a larger home. We had Evan now and his space in the hallway was quickly getting small. Months passed and it seemed as though nothing was around that we really liked. I was beginning to think that my husband wasn't that interested in moving. Know what? He wasn't. As I said before, he grew up in impoverished conditions and our 940 sq ft. home was huge and wonderful to him. God had some working to do on my heart for sure. I especially knew it after a night at our small group. A more mature friend pulled me aside and gave me a bit of counsel that I was being disrespectful to my husband by not being satisfied with what he was providing for my family. Ouch! I am now so grateful for that dear friend that she loved me enough to show me my fault. It was just as she said and I apologized to my husband and kept praying. It wasn't until I got into an accident and totaled the van that my husband really understood that we needed and I desired a larger home for many reasons. He had suggested dipping into the home fund for a new car. Ummmm NO! I practically yelled. I was ready to have a junker car for the sake of a bedroom door for Evan. I really didn't care how much bigger the home was, we just needed more bedrooms. Maybe a home with a basement that could be finished.
It was then that the Lord brought to the attention of my husband a home on Craigslist that was only listed there and for a crazy low price. He contacted the family that owned it and they said it wouldn't be available until spring. Ok, keep us in mind I remember hearing him say. So I considered the home a few times, asked my parents to pray, and prayed myself, in general for a home. In March she got in touch with my husband and we went to see the home. WHOA!!! This place is huge! That was my thoughts as we pulled in. I walked through the home half hearted thinking there was not a possibility of us moving to a home with 2600+ sq. ft. and a bedroom for everyone. Ha!
God has since then made it very very clear that is where HE wants us. It's so crazy! God knows my husband is not handy. That's not an insult, he knows it and so do I. He has provided us a home that is only 5 years old with everything still under warranty for 5 more years. Did I mention a room for everyone??? The owners were going to be out mid June. The day after the baby is due. Ok, we heard ourselves saying, we'll make it work. They called shortly after and said, we don't want you to have to move the week you're having a baby, we'll be out June 1. Cool! She called again a week later to say they didn't think that was enough time for us still and would be out May 7, have the home professionally cleaned and painted for us so I wouldn't have to deal with all that pregnant. We could move in May 10-15. Who does that???? God does! God has also used this dear family to answer many silent prayers that seem so small too. As in, we need to get a new bed for Evan. She offered us a new crib and mattress...E's current bed will be a toddler bed and prayer answered. This seems silly but I mentioned to James that we really needed new diaper pail. She e-mailed James and said she had a diaper genie with a bunch of refills if we wanted it.
This is not a post to brag about a big house or free stuff. Rather it is quite humbling to think that God has even heard my whispered prayers and has chosen to bless us in a way that knocks my socks off. Uh here come the tears again. It's just so overwhelming!!